The Seattle Freeze and Bellingham Curse

I'm guessing mid-summer troll on this one

I have a few questions to help me figure out whether I merit any friends.

The biggest one is: How many of the requirements do you have to meet? Simple probability suggests that the more conditions are added, the smaller the population, approaching zero for all of the conditions.

Does it matter how many times you have been married before 35 years of age? Do you have to actually be married when you turn 35 or is it okay to have been married for a while prior to that time?

Where is the requirement about owning a Subaru?

The "not slow down the group" requirement is tricky. By that logic, if there is any variation in fitness at all, then somebody is slowing down the group no matter how fit everybody is. So I think the real requirement here is that you have to be able to identify clumps of people with exactly identical amounts of fitness.

Is condition 6 still satisfied if the home's mortgage is underwater?

Do you have to have the on hour conversation while skinning up hill?

Condition 8 (parents bought you the $400k condo) is a mystery. My parents still think a dollar is too much to pay for a cup of coffee.

Lastly, if you do not meet enough of the conditions, do you still get to keep the friends you have or is it sayonara to them?

I have a few questions to help me figure out whether I merit any friends.

The biggest one is: How many of the requirements do you have to meet?  Simple probability suggests that the more conditions are added, the smaller the population, approaching zero for all of the conditions.

Does it matter how many times you have been married before 35 years of age?  Do you have  to actually be married when you turn 35 or is it okay to have been married for a while prior to that time?

Where is the requirement about owning a Subaru?

The "not slow down the group" requirement is tricky.  By that logic, if there is any variation in fitness at all, then somebody is slowing down the group no matter how fit everybody is.  So I think the real requirement here is that you have to be able to identify clumps of people with exactly identical amounts of fitness.

Is condition 6 still satisfied if the home's mortgage is underwater?

Do you have to have the on hour conversation while skinning up hill?

Condition 8 (parents bought you the $400k condo)  is a mystery.  My parents still think a dollar is too much to pay for a cup of coffee. 

Lastly, if you do not meet enough of the conditions, do you still get to keep the friends you have or is it sayonara to them?

I'd say you'd have to meet at least 3 of them. As long as you've been married or had a girlfriend you are good. It's when you have never had a girlfriend or experienced your first kiss that can seem to be an automatic disqualifying trait deeming one unworthy of friendship. As long as you've owned a home at one point in your life you are good. The conversation can occur on any setting. Lastly, if you have friends before meeting any of these requirements than you must not be socially awkward, an Aspie, or someone who's seen as a loser.

just dont expect your first kiss with a tay and you're good.

Aspie,

You might suck, but I don't know you. Please feel happy though that on this day you brought a smile and some needed entertainment to this one's depressing day. One suggestion: spell check will make one look smarter than they maybe really are . Welcome to TAY and the NW,

Boot

I missed something because I am dense and did not read carefully.  I am sorry for my snarky questionaire.  I remember well, although it was a long time ago now, how difficult it was for me to figure out the basics of certain social interactions, and it was not fun.  PNW is a great place that has been kind to me since we moved here, and I hope you are able to have good experiences with new friends around here.

Please don't diss the bag ban.  It's a good thing, although small on the scale of the many abuses we heap on our environment every day.