12-09-08, Olympia, Random Tracks

"Hey douche-bag! Get a spiltboard!"

You never really get a chance to say that. But, last week I saw a guy on the Muir Snowfield that needed to hear it. Yet I somehow blew the once-in-a-life chance to bellow like a drunken and shirtless NFL fan.

“Hey douche-bag! Get a splitboard!”

Hell, I could barley get a photo of the situation before needing to rub snow into my image-burnt eyes.

It half-shuffled half-stumbled passed by me as I stood just off the main skin/snowshoe track, refusing to go higher because it looked too icy to be any fun.

So many questions to ask: was it was alone and wondering and separated from a group that had arrived a few hours earlier on a short yellow bus hoping to pick flowers in the snow?

It’s also possible that the it had escaped from a S&M snow dungeon and in two days the newspapers would say that it’d been forced to live under an Ashford farmhouse for nearly two years after being snatched off the Paradise Glacier at the end of the 2007 ski season?

“The strangely dresses thing was first reported via cell phone by skiers on the Muir Snow,” said King County Sheriff spokesperson Gail Waning.

“It was taking the shortest way home to Bellevue,” she said. "It’s true that it was dressed like a water head."

Reportedly its color scheme set off an urge within passing skiers to scream and throw things, mostly poo-filled blue bags.

“Bright red cotton long johns jumping out of brown corduroy gaiters topping old-school soft boots strapped into grey MSR shorties, was just too much to handle with the turquoise helmet,” Waning said.

It never lifted its troll-like eyes from the tracks in the snow it bore down on. Helmet hanging off the side of its head to accommodate freakishly large ears, it focused and continued pushing one tentative 4-inch stride after another up the icy crusty snow all the way to Muir.

It’s snowboard, a big heavy sail, was strapped to its pack instead of feet, as seen with modern humans.

“Overall it was the weight on its back that led it and those like it to hunch over while in the mountains,” Ranger Bob said. “Now their knuckles drag across the snow. It’s that second set of tracks that really upsets the skiers and gets them flinging poo in the first place”

Is this what’s become of all those poor bastards still schlepping up mountains with snowshoes and a snowboard on their back ?

Maybe I am missunderstanding you jimmyclimbs but this seems judgemental and lame. Snowshoes and a board are a fun cheap option for getting out in the BC. I have had worse things said to me over the years when I had a board on my back. I still like to mix it up between a board and skis. I still don't feel like paying that much money for a hybrid between the two. Cheers. See you in the mountains.

Hmmm... MW888*, who frequently posts here, does more with snowshoes and his board than most of the people I ski with...

So, ditto what RonL said, I guess. ???

I agree with both Marcus and RonL.
Somebody dressed like that and putting that amount of effort to get their turns seems an interesting person who I'd probaly more like to talk to and get to know than make fun of!

yeah, what a douche-bag... he's out getting turns and having a good time...

if he is a douche-bag than i'm a turd sandwich...

worry about how you get your turns and not how others do. i don't think that this kind of negativity is welcome around here, we come together here because we love to ski or snowboard all year round. not because we don't like snowshoers... share something relevent and constructive please!

Wow!

There is no sense of humor here, which is what I've come to expect with some of the people who post here.

I made fun of us all, skiers and boarders alike. Heck, some of my best friends are skiers.

Let's just call this a failed experiment at a random track and move on.