"Embrace Your Inner White Trash" party, 10/20/07

Hello.  I'm having a party at my place 10/20/2007. 
The wine-tasting part of it is from 3:00-ish to 5:30, the party starts after 5:30.  PM me for details, here's the evite info:
If an evening of burning tires* and drinking PBR appeals to you, read on!
*no, we won't really be burning tires.
I'm envisioning the following, in no particular order, and subject to change:

• a "best mullet" contest, real or wig, doesn't matter how you present it, as long as you REPRESENT it!  YEAH DOG! 
• a "best use of spam" contest.  Carve it in the shape of a squirrel, smear it on some old boxers and creep people out with 'em, or fix a dish.  I don't know what you'll win, but you'll win something!  And it'll be trashy!
• a "Best (trashiest) lawn ornament" contest.  Spare tires, pink flamingos, or the trailer hitch off your "house" -- show it with pride in the "Trashiest Lawn Ornament" parade.  The winner gets a prize!  I don't know what!  How friggin' selfish are you, always wondering what's in it for you, huh? 
• there might be mud-wrestling.  Let's just say there'll be a mud-wrestling pit and some alcohol.  The rest is up to you men and women-folk alike.  (you cringe now, but around 11 pm it's gonna sound like a brilliant idea...)
• there "may" be other contests, like biggest beehive, best chest hair (with men's AND women's categories), best belcher (Start practicing, because I've heard Deanna do some crazy stuff -- you aren't going to win with some thing as cliche as belching the alphabet), worst teeth, most visible butt-crack with pants still on, or whatever else.  There may be no contests at all...
• I'm thinking I'll also have horseshoes set up, some good hellbilly tunes, and the hibachi will be belching flames if you want to char something.  Barb and I will be dancing.  No, not in that weird "interpretive dance" kind of way, but i mean in a head-banging, gettin' jiggy wid' it way.  We think you should too.
• and, this is a really stupid idea, which makes it very intriguing -- what if I hooked up my flatbed trailer to my tractor, and you guys pile on, and we go wine-tasting?  We can totally do it on farm roads and hit about 5 wineries i think. This "brilliant scheme" will happen from 3:00 - 5:30.  Crazy... but it JUST MIGHT WORK!  If not, i'll park the tractor and we can get funky on the trailer without actually going anywhere.

You should bring: warm clothes -- it'll mostly be outside, alcohol (wild turkey?  Boone's Farm?  pbr?), your contest entries (make up a contest of your own, that's cool), a White Trash Potluck Dish (chips and cheeze whiz?  something with bologna? tuna casserole?), a high tolerance for ridiculous behavior, and your best White Trash git-up.  Spare clothes in case you're overwhelmed with the urge to mud-wrestle.  Be ready to work it, baby!

Did I miss the part about shooting guns of the back porch?

good grief, you're right.
Actually, i frequently fantasize about sitting on the front deck and firing a potato gun off into the field. hmmmmm.

Gentleman and ladies start punching your livers!

It really wouldn't be embracing your inner white trash unless we break things.

Don't forget pork n beans! When you say winery, you mean box wine right?

it's still ON and we have confirmed wrestlers -- so far only the women are man enough to step up to the challenge.
The blue neon lights are getting installed on the tractor trailer tomorrow and the wineries have agreed to let us in (eek!)...
Yup, this here's gonna be an EVENT!!
Tons of room on the floor for folks to conk out, which i highly encourage (i mean, AFTER the party, and in lieu of drinking and driving).

Ok, if I don't work AGAIN this weekend, pm me directions please.