|from September 23, 2002:|
|Jarvis JellyTM update!|
Ever since we ran our first story about Ron Jarvis' efforts to perfect his patented skiing aid, Jarvis JellyTM, we have been besieged with requests for more information on this amazing product, which promises to completely revolutionize backcountry skiing. Breakable crust will become more sought after than powder, and Ron has promised that, with Jarvis JellyTM, "every skier will be able to prove that this isn't their dad's skiing anymore". After a minor dispute about distribution rights and royalities, which was resolved to the satisfaction of all, Turns All Year is proud to announce that, beginning November 15, 2002, Jarvis JellyTM will be sold exclusively through this web site - watch for a link on this home page to the new Turns All Year Online Store.
In the meantime, we have obtained an exclusive photo of Ron testing his Jarvis JellyTM skiing aid at Sunrise, Mt. Rainier National Park, just last month. Insiders report that Ron has been working with a select group of Boeing engineers to develop a reliable battery-powered pump system (detailed photos) to deliver a continuous stream of heated Jarvis JellyTM directly to the bases of the skis. The pump/heater unit is carried in the backpack, and tubes carry the Jarvis JellyTM down to very thin units mounted on the top sheets, about 50cm in front of the bindings. These units contain electrostatic dispersers which, with their anodes and cathodes in contact with opposite metal edges of the skis, cause a thin film of Jarvis JellyTM to flow tailward along the ski bases.
Using the latest nanotube technology (termed JJ-NanoextremeTM) to emulsify the components of Jarvis JellyTM, Ron has calculated that a delivery rate of around 5 microliters/cm2of base/second should be sufficient to provide 95% of the theoretical benefits of Jarvis JellyTM, while enabling a mere 240g to last the typical skier an entire day of skiing (your mileage may vary).
|Switch on the pump, hit the ignitor button, and get ready|
for the best skiing of your life, even in breakable crust!
One of the biggest challenges Ron's group has faced concerns the well-documented (Nisqually et.al., J.NanotubeTech., May 2, 2002, vol 3:p 4-13) tendency of nanotube/vasoline emulsions to degrade many common flexible tubing materials, such as polyethylene and latex. Recent bench tests by Ron himself, however, had apparently shown that teflon tubing is resistant to such degradation, and so Ron was at Sunrise testing the delivery system outfitted with custom-made teflon tubing.
The good news is that Ron was able to make it back to the Sunrise parking lot and the waiting ambulance under his own power (mostly). Soon after this photo was taken, we are told, Ron did a mighty face plant, which served to extinguish the flames and which probably saved his life. Forensic chemical engineers have examined the remains of Ron's pack and Jarvis JellyTM delivery system, and concluded that teflon tubing is not, in fact, resistant to degradation by nanotube/vasoline emulsions when such emulsions are under the pressures achieved by Ron's system. Apparently the main teflon tube, which ran under Ron's Gore-Tex suit from the pump (residing in the top pocket of Ron's pack) to a Y-junction in the crotch area, developed thousands of micro-perforations which allowed the Jarvis JellyTM to run down the outside of the tube and pool in the crotch area. After that, all it took was one tiny flaming glob of snow spray...
Ron is in good spirits, with 3rd degree burns only in the greater crotch area, and expects to be released from the hospital within the next few days. Seemingly undaunted by this apparent setback, Ron insists that both Jarvis JellyTM and the delivery system (pat. pend.) will be ready for public release by November 15. "Rather than a failure," said Ron, "I see these Sunrise results as a strong indication that the system as a whole is properly designed and quite functional. You should of seen me skiing! With that flamin' jelly flowing along my bases, I was totally unaffected by the pollen and volcanic dust which was confounding my partners that day. We will have the tubing problems worked out within the next week, believe me, and then we will be ready to roll. My injuries are not really all that bad, and anyway, my kids are grown and I have no plans for more children."
Jarvis JellyTM: "Making each turn the best, regardless of conditions"TM